Today is the infamous CPI day, where thousands of traders panic trade a number that's already baked into every model from here to Jupiter.
The real story? Yields are up, and they're throwing hands on my stock portfolio.
CPI day is basically astrology for finance bros. We check the numbers and retrofit narratives to explain why the market did exactly the opposite of what everyone predicted. "Mercury must be in retrograde" has about the same predictive power as Wall Street forecasts right now.
Meanwhile, Powell sits in his office, probably wondering why despite giving the most choreographed monetary policy in history, markets still act surprised every time he does exactly what he said he would do three months ago.
Earning calls now include the mandatory "higher for longer" drinking game, where management try to explain why their growth projections assumed yields would magically return to 2020 levels.
The bottom line:
❌ Yields do NOT pass the vibe check.
They're that Andrew Tate fan at a party – nobody invited them, nobody likes them, but somehow they're controlling the entire conversation.
So pour one out for the 60/40 generation—looks like the real asset allocation is a mix of regret and higher for longer.
